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I'm sick, i'm pissed..and i'm fat! and my mom is starting to worry

What the fuck she use to not care then i guess i lose 5 lbs a month and she  freaks. then her stupid ass P.A has to say some shit.. you're gonna make yourself sick! Fuck you bitch if i am gonna get sick i already am..i don't see my self as sick yourjust mad becuase your a fat ass and i'm a smaller fat ass then you.. hey guess what mom and her stupid ass P.A. open your god damn eyes and realize I"M A FUCKING ELEPHANT AND I HATE MYSELF AND I'M DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

i never should have told my mom. she's COE and i'm Ana/Mia/EDNOS how does that work.

But yeah COE and and Ana in the same house never worki swear i can't wait until either A i move out or B i get skinny and they like it so the don't bother me about it. God i can't wait to go backto school tomorrow. I hate sitting here doing nothing at all...I HATE IT!!

My counseler told me not to fast. she's trying to feed me all this shit about how fasting slows down your matabilism because your body doesn't burn the calories as fast because it doesn't know the next time your gonna give it food and how 200 cals a day isn't enough for your body...Well guess what i already newall that and i don't give a shit!! at all..i want to be skinny i want to see my hip bones i want to be perfect...i want to be more then just nother face!!!

ok my rants done!

the 1st day of ABC was good.. My partner went over 400 cals though..but she burned 500 that night when she work out..so technically she had like 400...so that's good..
my oranginal plan was 500 excat but i ended up only eating half of diner so i'm guessing i was somewhere around 350-450
today has been pretty bad..i've had 440 already today so i'll prolly have a salad or something for didner...



I'm new to live journal, I've done blogging sites before but i've had at least one close real friend one there and i didn't like them knowing what was going on. Some people tell me i have eating issues others encourage it. i DON"T see it as an issue i see it as my life. I'm starting ABC tomorrow. I'm currently 171 and eating once a day. i want to get to 120(ultimately 115). I struggled with bulimia for 3 years and my throat just couldn't take it anymore. It's sad when you wake up and your throat kills. but that was a part of my life that i won't go back to. I guess you could call me anorexic but i'm not. i've never been diagnosed as it and i only have a few symptoms. My mom know about my "eating disorder" as she calls it, and my friends do. but i hide it and they know think i'm better. it's pretty great. i would love to start talking to people who have the same goals i do but that may not happen.
Peace and stay strong



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November 2008

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